Sunday, November 8, 2009

Siege Preview - In My Own Words

Ah joy, the return of the wordless previews. This gives me a great chance to see how well I can add the missing text. So far, after comparing what I THINK they're going to say vs. what they DID say, I am 0 for 213 pages.

Let's see if I can get my first win.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Review: Superman World of New Krypton #4

Superman: World of New Krypton #4

Well, it was bound to happen - the Green Lantern Corps had to get involved, especially with Blackest Night coming up. You can't just set up a new planet and expect the universal police force to go "whatever"...

Hal Jordan, Jon Stewart, and Sodam Yat arrive on New Krypton for a fact finding mission from the Guardians. How weird, though. I mean, can't they use telescopes? Secretly, my theory: you know the Guardians sent Hal to stir up trouble, Stewart because he destroys planets (Mosaic), and Sodam as a reminder that there are other races out there as powerful as the Kryptonians. Sneaky blue guys.

Zod shows up, verbal barbs shot out and parried, the Green Lanterns are welcomed with open arms. This gives us readers more of a plausible reason for explanations of how things work on New Krypton - which is nice.

Zod pulls Kal-El to go over his new assignment - not capturing the 13 renegade Kryptonians that were used the last time they tried to take over Earth. Kal-El wants a more active role in the capture, Zod says nuh-uh. Methinks Zod is up to something, if not only to show "I'm Superman's Boss"

Oh, good, Zod is building an armada of spaceships in plain sight - "a need for defensive readiness". Hal balks, Kal-El at least is honest with saying he doesn't know what to say.

Explosions. Kryptonian fugitive #1 spotted. Cue "Bad Boys" music. Green Lanterns also have a warrant out for this guy. Cue "Buddy Cop Internal Strife" music. Zod chimes in on a secure channel for Kal-El's #2 radio - ice him. Hal's ring picked it up, Kal-El heard it as well.

Kal-El says to belay that order? And instead, Kal-El's #2 listens and captures the fugitive? And they say this over a public channel? What are they - five? Pretend to kill him, yet he lives. Use code words. Nope, not here. Guess what that is... TREASON!

Too bad the Green Lanterns had already left, Hal being disgusted that they weren't able to extradite him. Jon Stewart reminds him they have no claim, and he's still mad? So the only law that matters is the Green Law? That's pretty racist, Hal.

And at the end of the issue - Kal-El and his #2 get arrested for... well, I already said it.

It's a fun read, with it's perks and low points. Enjoyed the manner of explaining more about New Krypton. Disappointed that the fight on the cover didn't happen anywhere in the issue - not even closely. I would have liked to have seen a fight over jurisdiction. Enjoyed the involvement of the Green Lantern Corps. Disappointed that Zod/Krypton seems to be running wild after only a few issues.

Just like watching "24", the gray areas of ethics vs. society seem to play key roles in the story, with Kal-El as a guest star. And that's pretty cool.

Review: Secret Six #10

Secret Six #10

OK, so I'll start out saying I'm not gentle with this issue.

The story starts out with Magneto, Lara Croft, and George Constanza running a slave labor operation. Not sure what they're mining for yet. I'm sure it will be explained as shock reveal next issue. They treat people badly, killing, etc. Bad people.

Bane is having bad dreams. He gets up, (shudder) nude (shudder), only to encounter Scandal waiting for him in the bathroom. Is he returning to his Venomous ways, she asks? Bane says no. You know, with a red wig, Bane could pass for Knockout... nahhhh, she'd never. Oh wait. Never mind. It happens. Sans wig.

Jeanette and Deadshot wait for their new client, as she reveals more on her history. I think it'd be more interesting if she wore a costume. Had a codename. Had some sort of freaky powers. Right now, she's "Tough girl with white hair #7."

The new client arrives and it's - duh duh duh! Magneto, Lara Croft, and George Constanza. Posture, posture, posture, I'm evil, I'm eviler, we're all evil = yawn.

The Secret Six are now on a plane with Croft & Costanza, transporting a magic box that smells bad. Costanza rants about it being God's will, will terrify and inspire... man this is about as talky as a Seinfeld episode.

Boom! Plane get hits. Plane goes down on the backup airfield, which is close to the base, but not quite. Rebels vs. Secret Six, who are suddenly very afraid of bullets? Took on the entire Society, but now bullets are weawwy, weawwy scawy? I guess I'm not feeling this issue. Good, uh, bad guys still win. Our bad guys.

Magneto shows up in a jeep with Artemis in tow, bound and cuffed. Magneto tells the misbehaving red shirt slave from the beginning of the issue she is free to go, then tells Deadshot to shoot her. Which he does. The woman who we all learned to love and care for since the opening four page segment, is now gone. Magneto is happy.

Man, I'm glad they had that happen, because I wasn't sure that a Magneto looking guy running a slave labor camp where he kills the slaves randomly and keeping former Former Wonder Women as bound carpool buddies was a bad guy.

I had to double back to make sure Simone wrote this. Then I checked to make sure this wasn't a Mckeever Teen Titans issue. Very few humorous points, although the story did progress the development of Jeanette, Bane, and Scandal as characters. Given that last issue was a Catman, Ragdoll, Bane-heavy issue, I'm willing to say "fair's fair"

But all in all, my least favorite issue of Secret Six. I'm hoping this is a two-parter so we can move on.

Review: Ultimatum #4

Ultimatum #4

Recap page! That's totally a worthy recap page. I am not a fan of recap pages, and I have the previous issues, and I still went over this recap page. It's an awesome recap page.

We start out where we left off - or was that in Ultimate SpiderMan? Hulk smashing the hell out of Dr. Strange's place. Everything goes white! Crap, did someone say "No more Mutants" again? We're left to wonder what happens.

Kitty Pryde finds his mask. So he must be dead.

A Power-Rangers-sized Dorammu rises from the rubble, with Johnny Storm in his amulet. Dr. Strange is there! Wait, he said Spider-Man sacrificed himself to stop Dorammu. Speculation or fact? We're left to wonder what happens, becauuuuse -
the Master of Mystic Arts gets Anaconda'd to death. Squish.

Next up to fight Dorammu: the Invisible Girl and the Thing! And then... we're left to wonder what happens.

(Pay no attention to the mystery person shrouded in darkness who sighs "Oh Stephen" and teleports the Strange corpse - no pun intended - away. We're left to wonder what happens. Shhh... shhh... I know....)

Choppers shooting at Hulk! Xmen shooting at Choppers! Hulk almost attacking Logan! Hulk deciding to help after a plea from Jean Grey! I guess if I hadn't just finished the Ult. Hulk/Wolverine, I wouldn't be saying "I thought Banner had this under control?" But whatever, if Dr. Strange's house exploded on me, I'd be a little wired, too.

Be careful! You may have missed the text box that barely tells you we're now in the Supreme Power universe. I missed it the first two times. Reed Richards, Doom, Arcana, and Big Barda (I mean Zarda) show up to ell Fury it's time to come home! Fury declines! Barda/Zarda punches his car! Reed brings Fury up to date, and Fury gets to say "I told you so!"

But bang, pow, I did not see the cause of all this coming - oh wait, I did read Ultimates Vol. 4, but that was soooooo long ago... Fury outs Doom! No, not that way. As the cause of all this - he killed the Scarlet Witch. Drive Magneto batty, pick up the pieces as the ruler of the Earth. I never figured Ultimate Doom to be such a _______. I'm going to conquer a ruined Earth? Wimpy wimpy wimpy. Reed and Barda (darn it - Zarda) rage, but Fury said ease off. he could have killed Doom if he wanted to. Ouch.

Cue back to the Ultimate U - Kitty is reviewing "I found his mask but I don't know if he's dead." Logan has picked this time to leave Kitty his "In case I die" box. Full page splash (preview of things to come) - Kitty can't go on this fight, because she's "one of the best" Hmmmm... Kitty and the X-Men? I'd buy it.

Finally, everyone vs. Magneto! Magneto has gone Apocalypse Now. Not to be confused with Apocalypse. Angel first in. Angel first out. Sabretooth starts pulling wings, but he'll just come back as Arch- oh, no, guess not.

Magneto limps away with - Thor's Hammer? WTF? I thought he just got that Factory X prop! Valkyrie shows up! She wants Thor's Hammer! And, just like (Green Lantern Spoiler) Agent Orange, she hacks off a part of the owner as well. Magneto magnent-grabs her sword and - well, cuts her but it's all inked black so we don't know one way or the other. Nick, cut, deep cut, fatality? Again, we're left to wonder what happens. We see her face in the next panel, so I assume a nick.

Cap through the skylight with the shield! Unfortunately, (Old Man Logan Spoiler) Marvel only allows one Captain America shield decapitation per month. Magneto flees to another room, just in time to...

Spout Bible verses! The cad! Logan, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, Hawkeye and iron Man look on, posing as if waiting for next issue to strike!

Oh wait, they are.

I know this is supposed to be a crazy roller coaster ride. However, more than six different plotlines can be a bit much. Instead of this really cool kick-*** story, I feel like I'm reading a DC zero-issue that just teases at what's going on.

There's more posturing than fighting in this issue, and I think that's where it loses points for me. Practically everyone in this issue is striking a pose. Everyone. And not like "striking a pose while the battle is going on". As in "my pose is the entire scene while I say something witty or bold."

I love Finch art. I just wish this issue was more than seventeen variations of "Figure standing defiant"

If you haven't picked it up yet, hold off. This issue is just going to depress you.

Review: Wolverine #72

Wolverine #72

Short Recap:
Continuation of the Postman-ish Old Man Logan storyline, set in the far future after the heroes lost.

Page 1 recap of the new United States. I really like this map.

Splash page of the Red Skull triumphant. However, it's Bucky Cap, so it's like the Borg beating Cisco. Megatron defeating Rodimus Prime. It's not really a win the Skull should gloat so hard over in my book.

Oh, crap, is Bucky crying? Really? Give that man a big red S.

I refuse to spoil the awesomeness of the Red Skull's trophy room - and the conversations in it. However, I will say these scenes are 10 times better, if not 100, than the Hulk's Future Imperfect one.

Lackeys come in with dead Hawkeye (who is Hawkeye and not Ronin, thankfully) and dead Logan. Whaaaa? Yeah. Suprise! Possum! However, Old Man Logan vs. Old Man Skull is perfectly done as neither is at the top of their game. Skull grabs the Ebony Blade. Logan grabs... duh duhn duhhhhhh... Thor's hammer! No, not really. Cap's shield. You know he was going to grab that shield.

Villain going "No..." scene

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Aw yeah.

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Logan says "Stay down!" Really? This goes up there with Bucky Cap crying. Really? Is this an episode of Smurfs?

Skull does his best villainesque Die-Hard comment as Logan stands above him with the shield poised to strike.

"Don't make me laugh. You haven't got the guts."

User comment: AAAAAAAGH! I turn the page and have an advertisement here?? AAAGH!!!! And it's double page! %##*!@^!(*^!!!!!

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease decapitate on the next page. Please. Pun intended.

Spoiler: (Double page-spread of a Wolverine video game ad later...): Oh ***** YES.

Post-Logan-Return-to-glory-bliss later, here come the cannon fodder guards, outside, ready to bust in.

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease put on the chain mail. Please. Be Cap.

AWWWWWWHHH! Iron Man? Really? Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Loan grabs the cash in a nearby suitcase and bolts. What? Why not take over and - oh crap, forgot about his family back home. The rent's due.

Now hot damn, this is great story writing. All those issues crossing the US of A, and I forgot that with the Iron Man armor, its a matter of minutes. That's cool. That's awesome.

Too bad the Banners came by early. Too bad "they were bored", the guy named Donovan outside his house says.

Dead Logans all across the floor of his house.

"You ain't the man you used to be, Logan... Dont go looking for revenge in those hills."

"The name isn't Logan, Bub..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Another Page I have to flip? Why can't this be a fold-out?!?!?!

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease let it be snikt. Snikt. Snikt. It's time. Snikt.

Holy smokes. A two page spread of Snikt. Just the word. Two pages. And it's worth it.

"It's Wolverine."

Aw yeah.

Now, although I really, really, try to stay away from reading the previews of the comics I plan to buy - I read this preview as soon as it was out. So some of the magic was gone. had I not seen the preview, maybe this, and not New Avengers #51 would have been my favorite of the week. This was a close second.

We're in the payoff part. Bad guy corpses just HAVE to start lining up to make the miniseries work. Of course this is a blast.

It's McNiven. That's like asking if your VISA card is accepted at the store. Yes. Yes it is.

Final Word:
I'm a sucker for future-post-apolcalypse stories. This is my favorite Wolverine story ever.

Review: Dark Avengers #4

Dark Avengers #5

We start the issue off with Norman doing an interview. Now, this has already been done in another issue so I wasn't looking forward to this, but this was an extended interview, and it really tackled some tough questions/items.

1. Norman saying 'I just need a moment' before they start - awesome. This shows me the house of Norman is a house of glass.

2. Norman saying 'I'm probably just the flavor of the month' - equally awesome and fourth-wall-ish. While I dislike villains-gone-wild, the concept of writers winking at us, telling us 'hold on, the good guys are coming back', helps. It does.

3. Norman defining rationalizing himself as 'the will of the people'. Just scary.

4. The comment 'give the country what it deserves'. Ow ow ow ow.

Switch to the Dark Avengers facing off the Sentry, who is mysteriously back from the dead after last issue. There is nothing I can write here that surpasses the conversation that the Iron Patriot (Osborn to you newbies) has with the Sentry. Needles to say, the Sentry, although probably the least INTENTIONALLY villainous, is till undoubtedly the scariest ***** ****er of all the Dark Avengers.

Back to the interview! Back to (real) Hawkeye's public statement that Norman is a bad guy! Holy Crap! Norman admits to being the Green Goblin? Wow. However, he claims he is cured. That others have taken on the Green Goblin mantle. Spin Doctor!

Now to Avengers Tower. Fake Hawkeye and Fake Spiderman (Bullseye and Venom) are arguing. Ares tries to rally the troops. Well, he slaps Bullseye. Then he tries to do a Captain America speech. Bulls-hawk-eye appears to follow the leader. Why do I think this will lead to Bulls-hawk-eye killing Phobos (his son)? I think it will.

Apparently Norman drugs his Avengers into behaving. I would rant about how wrong this is, but have you ever been to a horse show in real life? Same thing happens.

Back to the interview. Norman basically says "Hawkeye (real) was a convict who became an Avenger. Why can't I be one?" Ouch. Never thought of it that way.

Ares goes home. Phobos not home. Ares sees that Phobos has stopped going to school. Ares make angry face. Ok, seriously? What, is Ares is worried about the S.O.L.'s? Really? Come on.

Back to the interview. Spin spin spin.

Now back to "The Real World - Dark Avengers". Awww snap! Moonstone-Ms. Marvel seduces Marvel Boy-Captain Marvel! Bulls-Hawk-eye looks on as the door closes. Does his heart belong to Marvel Boy or Ms. Marvel? Maybe both? We're left to wonder.

Now over to Los Angeles. Super Soaker attack! Seriously, I'm not getting the super-soaker-attack thing. I mean, just dumb. Oh good. Flying Manta Ray Super Soaker Attack. That makes just SO much more sense. This part was the DUFF (Dumb Ugly Fat Friend) of the hotness of the rest of the issue.

Back to Ms Marvel Moonstone and Captain Marvel Boy. Pillow talk. Ms Marvel Moonstone lays down some more of her mental trappery as - THIS JUST IN! Atlantis Attacks II!

Norman's best line:
"Avengers... You know. Get them together."

My favorite issue of the week!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Friday, February 20, 2009

Hawkeye: Dark Reign #1 Parody

I'm not sure how successful these one-dimensional villains will be.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Final Crassness

I really do enjoy Final Crisis. I do. I enjoy it more after people explain the 90% of the really deep things I missed. It can't be all things to all people in all panels.

Still... I guess based on the previews and drama of it all, I was expecting more Geoff Johns than Grant Morrison. More JSA, less Doom Patrol. So this is how I make fun of my false expectations.