Friday, June 5, 2009

Review: Ultimatum #4

Ultimatum #4

Recap page! That's totally a worthy recap page. I am not a fan of recap pages, and I have the previous issues, and I still went over this recap page. It's an awesome recap page.

We start out where we left off - or was that in Ultimate SpiderMan? Hulk smashing the hell out of Dr. Strange's place. Everything goes white! Crap, did someone say "No more Mutants" again? We're left to wonder what happens.

Kitty Pryde finds his mask. So he must be dead.

A Power-Rangers-sized Dorammu rises from the rubble, with Johnny Storm in his amulet. Dr. Strange is there! Wait, he said Spider-Man sacrificed himself to stop Dorammu. Speculation or fact? We're left to wonder what happens, becauuuuse -
the Master of Mystic Arts gets Anaconda'd to death. Squish.

Next up to fight Dorammu: the Invisible Girl and the Thing! And then... we're left to wonder what happens.

(Pay no attention to the mystery person shrouded in darkness who sighs "Oh Stephen" and teleports the Strange corpse - no pun intended - away. We're left to wonder what happens. Shhh... shhh... I know....)

Choppers shooting at Hulk! Xmen shooting at Choppers! Hulk almost attacking Logan! Hulk deciding to help after a plea from Jean Grey! I guess if I hadn't just finished the Ult. Hulk/Wolverine, I wouldn't be saying "I thought Banner had this under control?" But whatever, if Dr. Strange's house exploded on me, I'd be a little wired, too.

Be careful! You may have missed the text box that barely tells you we're now in the Supreme Power universe. I missed it the first two times. Reed Richards, Doom, Arcana, and Big Barda (I mean Zarda) show up to ell Fury it's time to come home! Fury declines! Barda/Zarda punches his car! Reed brings Fury up to date, and Fury gets to say "I told you so!"

But bang, pow, I did not see the cause of all this coming - oh wait, I did read Ultimates Vol. 4, but that was soooooo long ago... Fury outs Doom! No, not that way. As the cause of all this - he killed the Scarlet Witch. Drive Magneto batty, pick up the pieces as the ruler of the Earth. I never figured Ultimate Doom to be such a _______. I'm going to conquer a ruined Earth? Wimpy wimpy wimpy. Reed and Barda (darn it - Zarda) rage, but Fury said ease off. he could have killed Doom if he wanted to. Ouch.

Cue back to the Ultimate U - Kitty is reviewing "I found his mask but I don't know if he's dead." Logan has picked this time to leave Kitty his "In case I die" box. Full page splash (preview of things to come) - Kitty can't go on this fight, because she's "one of the best" Hmmmm... Kitty and the X-Men? I'd buy it.

Finally, everyone vs. Magneto! Magneto has gone Apocalypse Now. Not to be confused with Apocalypse. Angel first in. Angel first out. Sabretooth starts pulling wings, but he'll just come back as Arch- oh, no, guess not.

Magneto limps away with - Thor's Hammer? WTF? I thought he just got that Factory X prop! Valkyrie shows up! She wants Thor's Hammer! And, just like (Green Lantern Spoiler) Agent Orange, she hacks off a part of the owner as well. Magneto magnent-grabs her sword and - well, cuts her but it's all inked black so we don't know one way or the other. Nick, cut, deep cut, fatality? Again, we're left to wonder what happens. We see her face in the next panel, so I assume a nick.

Cap through the skylight with the shield! Unfortunately, (Old Man Logan Spoiler) Marvel only allows one Captain America shield decapitation per month. Magneto flees to another room, just in time to...

Spout Bible verses! The cad! Logan, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, Hawkeye and iron Man look on, posing as if waiting for next issue to strike!

Oh wait, they are.

I know this is supposed to be a crazy roller coaster ride. However, more than six different plotlines can be a bit much. Instead of this really cool kick-*** story, I feel like I'm reading a DC zero-issue that just teases at what's going on.

There's more posturing than fighting in this issue, and I think that's where it loses points for me. Practically everyone in this issue is striking a pose. Everyone. And not like "striking a pose while the battle is going on". As in "my pose is the entire scene while I say something witty or bold."

I love Finch art. I just wish this issue was more than seventeen variations of "Figure standing defiant"

If you haven't picked it up yet, hold off. This issue is just going to depress you.

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